by shyness tortured, or by jealousy

than his son

and he said that dave is my window that opened after all the doors closed.


essentially.
my dad doesn't do metaphors.

including jake.
lol.
i miss high school where boys were reasonable
and ladies were ladies

and they were playing their typical worship music
which is always good for a giggle
and then a song came on
and i knew all the words
and decided i spend too much time at church.

bo was preaching last week
and alexis leaned over and said,
"man i wish we had more black people here.
the closest we have is nick."

nick always says
"mmhmm" and
"that's right"

alexis and i want some black ladies to shout
"testify!" "hallelujah!" and "mmhmm"
really sassily.




everyone at NCC is so young
and they are so happy
with so much hope
and so much love
and so much faith

i wish i had that much belief in something. anything.

I'm making a lot of bad decisions.

Bad Decision Playlist
Falling for You
Always on My Mind
Just What I Need
Voices
Falling
Turn Me On
So I Fall Again
Shiver
Why Bother

See a pattern?



ooooooh i'm gonna make a damn fool out mahself.

it was a beagle.
named it cat stevens after my old dog, cat stevens.
got to keep it for 7 hours.
went to the park together.
took it to humane society.
will miss cat stevens for many days to come.
will probably get a puppy next year.
maybe a beagle.

ha.
sometimes wish i were jewish.
finished new painting.
just in time for poland!
it's acrylic on canvas painting of a picture took in warsaw (krakow?)
don't remember.
it's the statue of zygmunt.
he was a badass with a sword.
many perished.
ha.


back to poland next week!
to see sister and fielding
then to spain to live with katie and keep her company
fielding's not staying because he has to go home
and work for the governator
they're pals
arnold invites him to his cigar tent
ha.


( this took all semester. balls on yer chin. )

semester has been unforseeably grim/bleak/lonesome.
can't say i enjoy being such a sad bastard.
just that i feel abandoned and unable to kvetch about it.
is it that they blame me for what happened?
or that they don't see
or that they don't care.
what no one wants to say
is that they had to choose between the two of us.

this one lost.

what hurts the most was how close we were.
had friends for two semesters.
good friends.
guess that's a personal record.
shouldn't complain.
still, it ended so bluntly.
and there's no real hope of coming back.

saw bianca twice this semester.
see eli once a week.
at church.
think he thinks that's enough.
it's not.
ignored by hannah.
sleep in the same room every night,
but no. fucking. word.
get glares sometimes.
which are somehow comforting.
am recognized!
am not as much fun as Sigma Chi.

i'd get sick of me, too.

there's nothing left to do but sleep [when i see our old friends and i'm alone].

and i don't believe in God so i can't be saved.

and your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking
and dad would dream of all the different ways to die
each one a little more than he could dare to try

driving in your car
i never want to go home
take me anywhere, i don't care i don't care i don't care
i never want to go home
because i haven't got one
anymore

HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT


* * * * *
Drink Liquor.

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

* * * * *
Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

* * * * *
Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

* * * * *
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

-You're begging the question.
- You're being defensive.
- Don't compare apples and oranges.
- What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.

OR

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.

* * * * *
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.


-Dave Barry

mmmm. there's nothing better than waking up in the morning to a nice creepy message on myspace. on this fine morning i was lucky enough to find a heartwarming query from my dear friend dave. it read:

"Looking for discreet, NO strings sex?"

oh wait, did i say friend? i meant total dirtball stranger. nay, dave. i am not, in fact, looking for some discreet, no strings sex. and neither should you, sir.

i love the smell of shameful displays of lust in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

I shot a bird today.

( Chalk one up for atheistic hedonism. )